How to let go

Step 2. It’s ok if you don’t let go.

But for your mental well being it’s probably a good idea.

 I was the master of letting go when I was a teenager. I excelled at the practice and I was one calm mother fucker. The early struggles I faced as a child shaped me this way. Divorce, constant moving and dealing with depression all led to my own art of zen. I probably wouldn’t have been so calm if I could have seen my future.

 The struggles I faced as a young adult in college were beyond the normal contingencies. A chaotic mind killing itself in self delusion and confusion. I couldn’t be myself anymore. Who I was up to that point ceased to exist. I’m this new person now. A being hating itself and wishing for it’s own end. 

 Struggle, struggle, struggle.

 My favorite delusion was when I was the center of it all. The being of choice. It was nothing but a fantasy I believed in. But the psychological benefits were real so it was easy to indulge I suppose. After I realized my reality and actual reality were different I tired to center myself. I didn’t know what the center was unfortunately.

 So after I went from calm to confused to god I became…objective.

 A constant questioning of everything. When you don’t know you ask yourself why. So why hold on to past injustices. Why hold onto momentary slights of a passerby. 

 Why be anything or do anything?