I felt lonely before it was cool.
Every time I try to bridge the gap in my relationships, I find myself still building. But instead of building connection, I build defenses — defenses against judgment, against being misunderstood. What I really feel often comes out through writing or music. But no one reads it. No one hears it.
Losing Touch, Slowly
Growing up, I always had friends and plenty to do. Now, most of my connection comes through family or online. I love my family, and I spend a lot of time with them. But with most of them, I can’t be fully honest or sincere.
When I look back, I can’t remember the last strong, true relationship I had — whether with a friend, a partner, or even a relative. Something keeps me from opening up. There’s a wall I haven’t figured out how to bring down.
Am I the problem?
Maybe my loneliness comes from not knowing how to speak freely — not just with others, but with myself. I say “I’m fine” because it’s hard to name what I really feel. It’s hard to put emotions into words.
I’m a thinker. I need time to process things before I respond. But in a world that moves this fast, where quick replies are expected, that space is hard to find — and even harder to ask for.
What I’m Starting to Understand
Maybe loneliness isn’t just about being alone. Maybe it’s the tension between what we feel and what we can’t seem to share. I don’t have all the answers — and maybe that’s okay. But I’m starting to think that naming the feeling, saying it out loud, writing it down — that’s a kind of connection too. Even if no one’s listening yet, maybe the first bridge I need to build is back to myself.
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