Category: Uncategorized

  • The Quitter in Me

    The Quitter in Me

    Quietly quitting is my go-to strategy. In almost every area of my life, it shows up in my decisions. Whether by choice or as a trauma-induced response, the quitter in me often leaves relationships, jobs, and friendships without warning—no explanation, no closure. I just disappear.

    So why is it still so hard to quit some things?

    In my case, I struggle with a certain green leafy product. It’s my go-to, my inspiration, and my motivation—but also my anxiety, my setback, my health issues, and my psychosis. Even knowing the negatives, I still find it difficult to let go.

    The quitter in me should find this easy. But I’m still trying to wrap my head around the paradox: my cravings cause anxiety, which makes me want to smoke, which only gives me more anxiety. I’m caught in a loop I need to break. And I know it won’t be easy.

    Why do we quit some things easily and cling to other, more toxic habits? Maybe it’s because they serve a purpose—usually one we don’t want to look at. If our pain stays hidden, we can’t examine it. And if we can’t examine it, we can’t change it. We carry it around because unless we face it, it’s always going to be there.

    So what’s not working? Everything, sometimes. It can feel hopeless. But I have to stay positive. Small steps—that’s the path forward. The quitter in me wants to avoid the hard stuff: the awkward conversations, the discomfort, the inner confrontation. But quitting well, quitting intentionally, takes real work. It means sitting with the urge and looking it in the eye.

    Have you ever had to quit something hard? What did you do to stay on task when things were rough?

  • Hurting the Ones We Love

    Hurting the Ones We Love

    I hurt you, and I’m learning to love the hard way.

    When we hurt the ones we love, it’s difficult not to imagine a timeline where the wound never landed—where trust, understanding, and connection remain intact. Yet intention never erases impact.

    The Slow Drip of Hurt

    Hurt rarely arrives in a single dramatic blow; instead, it seeps in over time. Resentment accumulates, distrust skews our perception, and quiet walls rise where openness once lived. Each subtle shift pushes us farther apart until we feel stranded on opposite shores.

    Why Good Intentions Aren’t Enough

    Fear, insecurity, and unhealed trauma often steer our actions. Nevertheless, good intentions feel hollow to the person carrying the bruise. Because of that mismatch, we end up hurting the ones we love while convincing ourselves we meant well.

    The Ripple Effect

    Soon after the harm, silence blankets the room, distance stretches between us, or confrontation erupts. Each response reverberates forward, rewriting our capacity for trust and reshaping our self‑image. One wound multiplies into many.

    A Hard Lesson in Love

    My last attempt at love was messy and emotional, and most of the fault belongs to me—a hard pill to swallow. At first, I didn’t think I was acting selfishly; in hindsight, nearly everything I did was meant to shield myself. I tried to protect my heart from judgment, sadness, hopelessness—every form of pain I feared. Ironically, those feelings arrived anyway, and I added fresh hurt to someone I cared about.

    By the time I recognized the damage and tried to make amends, it was too late. That experience still leaves me with a difficult question: How do we recognize we’re hurting the ones we love while the hurt is still reversible?

    Breaking the Cycle

    So, how do we build future relationships on ground already cracked? First, we name the harm. Next, we own the impact without excuses. Finally, we choose new behavior—and repeat that choice daily.

    I usually dodge conflict; nevertheless, avoidance never repairs what broke. Real healing begins when I stay in the room long enough to listen, apologize, and try something different.

    Choosing Repair

    Ultimately, love asks us to choose repair over retreat—one honest word, one revised action at a time. We can’t rewind the wound, yet we can shape who we become because of it. Although the work remains messy and imperfect, it’s the surest way to stop hurting the ones we love and invite them to keep loving us back.

  • Naming the Quiet Distance Inside Me

    Naming the Quiet Distance Inside Me

    I felt lonely before it was cool.

    Every time I try to bridge the gap in my relationships, I find myself still building. But instead of building connection, I build defenses — defenses against judgment, against being misunderstood. What I really feel often comes out through writing or music. But no one reads it. No one hears it.


    Losing Touch, Slowly

    Growing up, I always had friends and plenty to do. Now, most of my connection comes through family or online. I love my family, and I spend a lot of time with them. But with most of them, I can’t be fully honest or sincere.

    When I look back, I can’t remember the last strong, true relationship I had — whether with a friend, a partner, or even a relative. Something keeps me from opening up. There’s a wall I haven’t figured out how to bring down.

    Am I the problem?

    Maybe my loneliness comes from not knowing how to speak freely — not just with others, but with myself. I say “I’m fine” because it’s hard to name what I really feel. It’s hard to put emotions into words.

    I’m a thinker. I need time to process things before I respond. But in a world that moves this fast, where quick replies are expected, that space is hard to find — and even harder to ask for.


    What I’m Starting to Understand

  • Risk it for the biscuit

      When do you know it’s time to go all in or play it safe. Most circumstances in life are best played by taking the road most traveled but sometimes a bit of risk is required to achieve more. When I was younger I took plenty of risks without the right information to inform me. So how do we make calculated attempts that reduce the chances of failure?

     Some key steps are.

    1. Gather information and relevant data on the decision your making and understand the context in which the decision will be made.

    2. Define objectives by clearly outlining your goals to understand which ones are crucial for success. Identify key factors, potential benefits and possible drawbacks.

    3. Get advice from experts, mentors or individuals with experience.

    4. Assess risks and rewards both short and long-term.

    5. Monitor, adapt, reflect and learn from what works and doesn’t.

     Remember, making calculated risks does not eliminate uncertainty entirely, but it helps you make more informed decisions. This process requires continuous learning and adaptation. 

  • Time bomb

     What’s the value of your time? Sometimes it flies by without you paying it to much attention. Some say that using your free time to connect with others is the best value for your life long satisfaction. But what if you have a hard time connecting with others on a more intimate level. It can be hard for introverted folks to place themselves in vulnerable circumstances. Maybe a deeper look into our inabilities is required.

     What inabilities? Well the best way to see what we are bad at is to see what people who are good at it do. So what does it take to form long lasting relationships that are meaningful. It takes a combination of communication skills, empathy, and a genuine interest in others.

     Communication skills can best be developed by practicing with others and while it may be hard to find others willing to help if you are honest and sincere in asking people will be open. In your practice its important to be open to feedback from others. You can also read books about this to better refine your communication style.

     Empathy Is a bit harder to define into practical solutions but being open, actively listening, understanding the feelings of others and considering their emotions while putting yourself in their shoes all help build a deeper connection.

     Genuine interest comes down to you and what you value. If you value trust, supportiveness, patience and responsibility then you are well on your way.

     Where do you think you lack or exceed in your relationships with others? 

  • Forward and beyond

    What’s your end game?

    I always wanted to be a writer when I was growing up. I didn’t know to what capacity but I knew I would like to use my creativity for such endeavors. I can’t say I’ve been a successful writer but if the one defining thing about my life right now is anything its that I still write. Maybe to my detriment I don’t write as often as I should but I think this is a solvable problem. I might have had it right when I was younger and I think I should focus on this craft more from now on.

    How do you grab something out of reach?

    Standing on the shoulders of giants is a good strategy but I’ve always struggled with this concept. I guess I just want to do everything on my own. Some humility might be needed.

    Learning from education is another amazing thing to do if you can afford it but there are also free resources out there.

    Practice makes perfect seems like the best solution for me. So expect a lot more content to be released in the following weeks and months. I hope the content has some quality to it but don’t be to harsh as I try to  dissect and learn more about my writing process.

    What’s next?

    Well some brain storming and project goals should be top priority. Should I integrate more tech to boost my site? Will there be benefits to advertising? Should I stick to Blogger or make my own site?

    Where do your values lie?

    It’s important to have integrity and a strong sense or morality no matter what you do but it’s even more important if what you do, say or write is interpreted by others.

  • Better late then later

     I want to look back at my list for 2023 and check to see what goals if any I’ve accomplished.

    1. Don’t be super depressed.

    Well we started off strong with the lofty goal of getting over the depression that’s plagued me for most of my life and lets just say its still going strong!

    2. Work it

    Kind of a vague goal but considering I made less then one blog post a month I think its safe to say I did not work it, at least not very hard.

    3. Laugh more

    I used to be able to laugh at myself but I’ve grown tired of that.

    4. Release in both emotion and content

    2023 was not the year for big personal gains financially, emotionally or creatively.

    5. Quit a bad habit

    Well I stopped drinking and smoking as much I still enjoy the occasional drink and joint.

    6. Be fire

    At no point in 2023 was I on fire thankfully.

    7. Get paid

    See 4

    8. Slay my demons

    Well I’ve slayed demons in some video games so this one counts as half a point.

    9. Learn

    I’ve learned no matter how much I can will myself to do something I pretty much have to be in the prefect time and space to actually accomplish anything.

    10. Say no to someone.

    While I might have accomplished this one goal I’m still a human welcome mat.

    I’ve read most people give up and don’t accomplish there new year resolutions so I shouldn’t feel to bad about my goal score of 1.5/10. Here I thought if I had multiple goals I would increase my chance of success but it looks like I just failed harder.

  • 5 Crazy things everyone should know

    1. There are ground up bugs in some of the foods you eat and this is considered fine.

    2. We might be living in a simulation but why anyone would want to simulate something so depressing as the current state of the human race is the real question.

    3. I still haven’t used an AI writing tool to make blog posts for myself. Can you tell?

    4. If I were a betting man I would bet no one ever comments on this or any of my other posts.

    5. An alarmist doesn’t make alarms.

  • I get dizzy after I cough

     Maybe I should be concerned. But it’s a wee bit of fun. It’s all about looking at the brighter side of things. No sighing rules in effect. It’s about perspective. Lift a thing or two off your own back. Carrying the weight of it all is no easy task. If everything was easy nothing would give perspective but maybe it’s not such a hot commodity. I’m going to try something new. Work hard again and break myself. Mental fortitude is resilient, it grows back like your liver. Between you and me I think we can get this done.

    If you have any ideas, thoughts or suggestions for this post or future posts please leave a comment.

  • Disaster life

     Oh my life could be summed up without so much exaggeration but where is the entertainment in such a thing.

     I didn’t get very far in the rat race.
    Couldn’t see past my face
    wouldn’t you believe my pace
    like the hare with no skin to play
    Jumping up when you shout how high
    Stay in place slowly loosing my mind
    lowly living like I’m born a new
    true and tried out but always picked last
    Now im just complaining about my past
    But theres lessons to be learned
    From the failures and the falls
    like the journey always calls
    well into the chorus feeling before this
    just a la la land before time
    a howling hand from god
    demented until you are not