Every so often I’ll get an itch to move along. To uproot myself from where I’m grounded and venture off to some new place. I believe this is a symptom and not the result of wanderlust. More anxiety ridden then thrill seeking. But the destination doesn’t change the feelings or concerns that drove me to want to change in the first place. How can I reconcile this? Do I just keep moving until I finally stop? Or can I learn to put things more into my control?
It starts with habits, the good kind, but habits are hard to adopt and change. So we start small. Like real small. 2-3 min here and there goes a long way. This is where I’m at now and while I’m grateful I’ve made the progress I have it’s hard to imagine a future that doesn’t mimic my present. But all I can do is keep plucking away being bad at it till I’m not.
Facing the Pain, Not Outrunning It.
You can only mask the pain, no matter where you move to its still there in the end. So what can you do? You can sit with it, try to change it, eat it or live with it. As a proponent of change I think this approach is the one I would take. But you can’t just bull rush pain and hope to move that boulder. It takes a precision instrument and time to chip away at. As I’ve never tried being a sculpturer before I’ll let you know how I make out as I go.
Maybe the urge to move along isn’t about the place I’m leaving, but the parts of myself I haven’t yet figured out how to stay with.