How many movies are made or stories told of the quiet contemplative man. The man who holds his tongue and avoids confrontation not because he is scared but because nothing is gained from useless misplaced anger. The man who wishes to elevate his fellow or stranger alike. Who believes striving for a better world for everyone is a worthy cause.

 But perhaps this man is more then he seems and the arc of his story complicated. Is his even worth telling. Who has the time to sit and wait for a lifetime of building tensions, lost dreams and forgotten love. Will there even be a release after the climax a sense of completion, a lesson learned or a comforting conclusion.

 Life keeps moving even after the movie moments and that’s where the truth of who we really are lays and this is untellable. Who would even be interested in listening.  

Friends were easier to come by, I laughed a lot more, I didn’t get caught up by the unseen snags of life and most importantly I felt free to be myself. That’s the privileges I had and am grateful for those but maybe that environment isn’t conducive to the hardships that life can bring. Being ill prepared to solve a problem you have never faced will make asking the right questions harder. So what are the right questions to ask when you don’t know where to start?

 Coping mechanisms are important for a lot of people because they give an ability to deal with abnormal thoughts and feelings. Studies have shown that religious people are less prone to depression and anxiety. I think prayer is a great coping mechanism and can be used effectively by anyone religious or not to benefit themselves. By praying when you feel depressed or anxious you do multiple things for your predicament all at once. First thing is your depression or anxiety is recognized and becomes forefront in your thoughts. Secondly you address these feelings as being an issue and not being wanted. Third you open yourself up to let these feelings go, usually religious people do this by faith in God to take care of things but the reasons for you to let something go can be motivated by anything. I like to think I’m throwing my anxieties into a void of nothingness. Last you distract yourself from the way you were thinking about things.

I have been using this technique for a few days now and have already noticed some positive changes in my mood as well as feeling more at peace.

 As a man I feel doing nothing with your life is like giving up. As someone with the issues that I have and how I suffer and knowing people who suffer worse I feel as a person not giving up is doing something with my life.

But how does just working give your life meaning. If I want to give my years to something it should be for something I want and am interested in. But what the fuck is that? Besides this wonderful blog that I totally pay great attention and time on.

If predictions of a mass of people loosing jobs with no jobs to replace them and these peoples lives have to be subsidized what freedoms or choices would these people have in pursuing there interests.

 The laughs, the content, the glory. Is AI going to take away my job? 

In retrospect over the last year I think I created about as much content as I wanted to.

Top ten new goals for the year.

1. Don’t be super depressed

2. Work it

3. Laugh more

4. Release in both emotion and content

5. Quit a bad habit

6. Be fire

7. Get paid

8. Slay my demons

9. Learn

10. Say no to someone 

 Be more funny and add more original content. Be amazing at using words in unique and intricate ways. Don’t use click bate tittles. Battle bots in hand to hand combat. Are my views actually from real people. 2% of people comment on the internet so I should have at least got a comment by now. 

 Step 1. Inherit a million dollars

 For a flurry of a moment I could think again. Wrecked and on the brink I think it’s still worth the journey. Furious pain with no reconciliation. When will any of this be worth anything.

I’m ok with the discontent, really it’s feeling bored when everything goes on around you so naturally. No longer then just past the start I finish a feeling my mind goes bye bye then back around to the beginning. A unnatural beat but a beat none the less.

The journey or the destination or both.

 Sometimes you just have to blog for the hell of it. No deadlines but the ones I place on myself. A promise to no one is my motivation I suppose.

One day I’ll be that age when people I know will start to die from old age ailments. If I myself have not passed. I wonder if I’ll be able to laugh it off like my great uncle does. Maybe he realizes that being that age means he to is closer to death.

I have no idea what will happen to my body if I were to die anytime soon. Would I be placed in the same cemetery as my family? Maybe it’s all filled up or it will be cheaper to cremate me and spread my ashes somewhere. It doesn’t really matter to me what happens to my lifeless corpse.

My grandfather already has his plot planned next to my deceased grandmother. A sweet gesture for sure but also sorrowful. Sometimes as we drive by the graveyard he will look over and say “I’ll see you soon darling.”

    Create something. Preferably for nothing. I can’t recommend this but I guess I have no choice but to participate. Does no one care about the process and time it takes! I guess I should just be thankful I have an outlet. I’m pretty sure these posts will not be much more then a collection and archive for myself. Though if someone wanted to pay me to write this garbage I would gladly take that cash. I wouldn’t consider it selling out because that infers some talent had to be present to begin with.