Depthofmyyouth

  • How to let go part 2

    Fuck I got nothing. Some times suffering can bring out the best in you. Every time you think you have it you realize you’re just now starting to learn.

  • The rhyme, reason rhythm

    How do you approach any situation to come out more successful?

    There is the old way of doing it, which is learn from people who have been doing it for so long they don’t even think about what it is they do anymore so they are useless in teaching you about it. Or you can follow some simple steps and ffffigguuuureeeee it oooouuuuttttt.

    It should be so simple I will make an acronym FIO

    Find a frame of reference
    Intake information
    Organize

    OK. Find a frame of reference is pretty simple. You already have learned a lot of shit throughout your life and if you can link new experiences to older ones you will have a good start at approaching a new situation.

    If you are absolutely over come with something out of your knowledge then start a new frame of reference. It’s like an ad lib if you know what the fuck that is. I’ve come into this situation ________.
    I understand this about it _______. I don’t know what _________ is. Can I learn more about this myself by research? Is there someone I can ask some questions? The best thing is to remain calm and AAW.

    Intake information is pretty self explanatory. Learn what you can with your peepers and meepers. Always accept you know somethings others don’t and that others know a lot that you don’t so there’s never any advantage to thinking you are above or bellow any of your fellows. This might seem pretty contradictory to the idea that you need to be aggressive or dominant in a situation but if you’r level headed and objective your chances of coming out ahead of a peer is actually going to be higher truth be told. Probably because aggressiveness will trigger more instinctive responses that rely on lower base physical responses. Which can obviously work in some situations. But if you are calm and aware of this tactic from someone you’r more likely to not fall for it and come out looking better.

    Organize what you have learned and integrate into the frame of references. Make lists if you can, write shit out, do what you do but mostly just learn from your day to day. Honestly we only have so many thoughts and ideas a day it’s not that difficult to figure out what we spend the majority of our time thinking about and changing that to set yourself up better for success.

    Also failing is good. No one believes it but failing is better then winning because if you fail enough to figure out why you did fail you will either eventually win or learn more to be successful in your next goal. So you could be the best at one thing or pretty damn good at everything else you want to try.

  • Easy living in 5 simples steps

    Never chase away the uncertainties of your failures. Explore them to find the reasons of your choices. Even when you think you got it you don’t.
    AAW, Always ask why.
    The minute is in the details.
    Everything can be accomplished if you break it down. The rhythm of every situation is the same.

  • Eat myself

    If there was a way to say I’m sorry and have it mean anything at all to you I would. But that’s never going to be.

  • How to let go

     OK just take a fucking breath.

    Step 2. It’s ok if you don’t let go.
    But for your mental well being it’s probably a good idea.
     I was the master of letting go when I was a teenager. I excelled at the practice and I was one calm mother fucker. The early struggles I faced as a child shaped me this way. Divorce, constant moving and dealing with depression all led to my own art of zen. I probably wouldn’t have been so calm if I could have seen my future.
     The struggles I faced as a young adult in college were beyond the normal contingencies. A chaotic mind killing itself in self delusion and confusion. I couldn’t be myself anymore. Who I was up to that point ceased to exist. I’m this new person now. A being hating itself and wishing for it’s own end. 
     Struggle, struggle, struggle.
     My favorite delusion was when I was the center of it all. The being of choice. It was nothing but a fantasy I believed in. But the psychological benefits were real so it was easy to indulge I suppose. After I realized my reality and actual reality were different I tired to center myself. I didn’t know what the center was unfortunately.
     So after I went from calm to confused to god I became…objective.
     A constant questioning of everything. When you don’t know you ask yourself why. So why hold on to past injustices. Why hold onto momentary slights of a passerby. 
     Why be anything or do anything?
     

  • How to turn your life around

      Feeling like a slacker? like you missed your big shot? To old? To dumb? Till now you’ve gotten by somehow but there is an urge deep down inside that screams for something more for your pathetic life.

      So how do you do it? Is it a matter of brain power? Can you think your way into a more productive life. Or are you simply doomed to fail?
      Maybe it’s the chicken and the egg situation. If you were supposed to be a productive person you would be already. Your life of mediocrity is proof of your inability to change and be more then what you are. But you still have to try right? Even if the end is spelled out. Because what is not trying?
      Simply to just be. A content existence. No ambitions but also no guilt of your decisions. Or is it worse then that?
      The absence of progression is to degrade into uselessness. But can something useless trying to be useful be of worth?
      Real growth and change is institutionalized. It’s not a declaration of who you want to be but a tiring and gruesome subjection of your thoughts and actions. A never ending battle.
      Correcting your ever failing self.

  • The underhanded way

      When I was a rebellious teen I stirred with all the common emotions an angsty angry teen should have. Anger at my inability to cause meaningful change in a world full of injustice. Anger at the individuals that made up this mesh of passive acceptance to the status quo and there adherence and participation of it. Anger at those willing to create a more skewed version of our collective reality that they could in turn use to there advantage to create even more injustice. I knew I would be different in those moments. That I would find a way to be not just an opposing front but an active force to counteract and change this for the betterment of everyone. And if only I could have shared my convictions and feelings with others the same way I felt them I would maybe have accomplished something.

      But I didn’t do a damn thing. Fuck all besides those initial thoughts and emotions. I never became a journalist to expose the injustices. I never volunteered to help the homeless and needy. I actually actively sought the opposite of my convictions. I turned to wanting to sow chaos and destruction as a means of restitution. Ultimately my emotions failed to do anything for me but to help me realize how useless the whole process had been. Maybe if I was rich I could make changes, maybe if wasn’t suffering from mental illness I would have done something else. Maybe I never even noticed the trees and thought I was standing in a plain.

      My brain seems to have a capacity for which I can accomplish something. And it’s not that much. Like a upper limit road block that prevents me from making it past a few initial steps. I can no longer just get up and go.

      The underlining problems of society are to great because they are part of the framework. Any meaningful change in a better direction will result in a society that looks, behaves and feels differently to what it was before. But by just outright removing the underlining rot we risk a collapse into something else entirely.

  • The rise of the sardonic

    Good grief

    gold leaves

    adorned on my crown

    I can’t believe

    no sympathy

    for the masters clown

    But with what ease

    do we believe

    our own sounds

    I tried to please

    but can’t leave

    you in the ground

    A monster with a soul

    could be eased

    into either roll

    So slit and salt

    pain and gain

    refrained posterity

  • The tooth of it all

      When I was younger I would lay in my bed at night and think. I was content with my thoughts and beyond the scope of my immediate family and friends my preoccupations would end there. Today when I lay and think my mind wanders to the world. To the stranger in another place reading my words and making quick judgments of its merit. To give into itself and be of nothing.

      Content is meaningless it seems. A critic giving an arbitrary score only they understand. To much content to care about and creators selling souls for dollars. I would say I’m a hypocrite if even a single person cared. The monetization of creature comforts and dull entertainment to pass the boring hours. Maybe it’s the unhealthy of us in this experiment to lament and proceed unambitious through waking hours. My happiness peaking the moment I lay my head on my comfortable pillow wrapped in my unwashed blanket waiting for my thoughts to pitter patter into incoherence.

      Drugs help I suppose. But what healthy existence exists beyond.

  • How to compartmentalize your life

     There is only desire when I expatiate on my future. An endless plethora of possibilities and experiences. The delusions of grandeur can placate a tired mind. To place in the center of yourself a God in control of itself.

     To be desired and desire are not the same. A rhetoric spewed in garbled sentences. I am the least to give advice. But better to keep silence then encourage the wicked. So I try to occupy my mind with rhymes and ADHD.

     Laugh out loud.